Marriage: First day in my husband's home
It was a new beginning.
Getting married and moving to my husband's house was a thrilling experience. From the moment I woke up, in the morning, in my new house, everything seemed so different. I checked my face and hair, before I walked out of my room. Something I never do. In my parents house I have never cared how I look when I get up in the morning for that matter any time. I actually walked out proudly, thinking that I would be one of the earliest to wake up. Ha! It was a surprise! I was totally embarassed to find I was the last one to wake up. I glanced at all the faces that were familiar but still new. It was a bright and sunny day and family talks were going on as if it was 11:00 AM. I thought I had risen earlier than usual and checked the time and I was right. It was 6:30 AM. 6:30 AM in the freaking morning. Well! my husband was sitting with his Dad, uncle and others having filter coffee( I hate coffee). What was I thinking? 'early riser'. Hmph. I needed to rewrite the definition for 'early' in my dictionary.
Being married and moving to a new house is like changing companies (except this doesn't happen as often as it does in work life. I have changed three companies in one year. May be that transition wasnt this tough). Suddenly, I found myself concious of everything I was doing. There was this sudden feeling that every one around me were watching me. Even when they were totally not. During the first few days there were atleast 20 people in the house and so many functions and dinners. People talked to me like they knew me for years. They were all so cool. But, I didnt know that. I found myself answering in monosyllables during conversations. Even for those simple questions that were asked as part of small talk. Soon, every one thought I was a silent girl. My mind immediately went back to my reaction in my house when my shawl was missing. I have never dreamt of being one. I gave my standard smile as an answer for most questions, even though I actually had something to say. I didn't plan on being this way. It just happened. This wasn't me. It was someone else. I wondered - Why was this happening to me?
So on the first day at my new house, I did not call my mom or for that matter, any one in my family the entire morning. During some chat in the afternoon, my mom-in-law asked me "Did you talk to your mom?" . I was happy to hear her ask me that. But I surprised myself by asking her back in a soft voice "Can I make a call?" . This totally caught her by surprise. She replied kind of shocked and confused, Oh! sure..you don't have to ask questions like this. Feel free to do anything you want. My husband had clearly told me, "This is your home, you can do what ever you want, all you got to do is be yourself." . I had no clue why I was so silly.
From that moment onwards everyone started trying to make me feel at home. That only made me more self-concious. Evening came and my husband's Uncle, who has a great sense of humor came in. I was sitting with my husband's cousins and was trying to make some conversation. We were chatting and generally having fun. The marriage had just gotten over. All of them talked to me about my family, school, college, etc..etc..I was loving every moment of it. I suddenly heard the Uncle's voice say from behind, "Periyava vandha ippadiya okaradhu, ezhundhu nikka vendam, oru mariyadha illa", [ translation- "Is this the way you keep sitting when elders come in, shouldnt you get up and give some respect." ] I popped out of my chair, with my heart pounding, even before he finished the sentence. Everyone around me burst into laughter. And the uncle said "Valayatuku sonnen, nee un purushan thalai mela kooda kaal pootu okaralam, thappe illa." translation- "I was kidding, you can sit with one leg on top of your husband's head. no harm." Even now I smile uncontrollably when I think of it. How could I be so naive?
Those were precious moments. They will never come back. Sometimes I feel silly thinking about those times. But in a way, they are sweet. Even when setting the breakfast table, eating, drinking, walking, dressing, talking and so on, I was very conscious. I have always felt that any opinion about the daughter-in-law is formed during her first few days in her new home. May be that influenced my behavior. Who knows?
Now, things have changed. 7:30 AM (even 8:30) wake-ups, chats with my MIL (on skype and MSN), with both agreeing that my husband is the biggest absent-minded, buffoon in the whole world, pulling pranks on my husband's cousins.
Ah! Time changes everything.
Getting married and moving to my husband's house was a thrilling experience. From the moment I woke up, in the morning, in my new house, everything seemed so different. I checked my face and hair, before I walked out of my room. Something I never do. In my parents house I have never cared how I look when I get up in the morning for that matter any time. I actually walked out proudly, thinking that I would be one of the earliest to wake up. Ha! It was a surprise! I was totally embarassed to find I was the last one to wake up. I glanced at all the faces that were familiar but still new. It was a bright and sunny day and family talks were going on as if it was 11:00 AM. I thought I had risen earlier than usual and checked the time and I was right. It was 6:30 AM. 6:30 AM in the freaking morning. Well! my husband was sitting with his Dad, uncle and others having filter coffee( I hate coffee). What was I thinking? 'early riser'. Hmph. I needed to rewrite the definition for 'early' in my dictionary.
Being married and moving to a new house is like changing companies (except this doesn't happen as often as it does in work life. I have changed three companies in one year. May be that transition wasnt this tough). Suddenly, I found myself concious of everything I was doing. There was this sudden feeling that every one around me were watching me. Even when they were totally not. During the first few days there were atleast 20 people in the house and so many functions and dinners. People talked to me like they knew me for years. They were all so cool. But, I didnt know that. I found myself answering in monosyllables during conversations. Even for those simple questions that were asked as part of small talk. Soon, every one thought I was a silent girl. My mind immediately went back to my reaction in my house when my shawl was missing. I have never dreamt of being one. I gave my standard smile as an answer for most questions, even though I actually had something to say. I didn't plan on being this way. It just happened. This wasn't me. It was someone else. I wondered - Why was this happening to me?
So on the first day at my new house, I did not call my mom or for that matter, any one in my family the entire morning. During some chat in the afternoon, my mom-in-law asked me "Did you talk to your mom?" . I was happy to hear her ask me that. But I surprised myself by asking her back in a soft voice "Can I make a call?" . This totally caught her by surprise. She replied kind of shocked and confused, Oh! sure..you don't have to ask questions like this. Feel free to do anything you want. My husband had clearly told me, "This is your home, you can do what ever you want, all you got to do is be yourself." . I had no clue why I was so silly.
From that moment onwards everyone started trying to make me feel at home. That only made me more self-concious. Evening came and my husband's Uncle, who has a great sense of humor came in. I was sitting with my husband's cousins and was trying to make some conversation. We were chatting and generally having fun. The marriage had just gotten over. All of them talked to me about my family, school, college, etc..etc..I was loving every moment of it. I suddenly heard the Uncle's voice say from behind, "Periyava vandha ippadiya okaradhu, ezhundhu nikka vendam, oru mariyadha illa", [ translation- "Is this the way you keep sitting when elders come in, shouldnt you get up and give some respect." ] I popped out of my chair, with my heart pounding, even before he finished the sentence. Everyone around me burst into laughter. And the uncle said "Valayatuku sonnen, nee un purushan thalai mela kooda kaal pootu okaralam, thappe illa." translation- "I was kidding, you can sit with one leg on top of your husband's head. no harm." Even now I smile uncontrollably when I think of it. How could I be so naive?
Those were precious moments. They will never come back. Sometimes I feel silly thinking about those times. But in a way, they are sweet. Even when setting the breakfast table, eating, drinking, walking, dressing, talking and so on, I was very conscious. I have always felt that any opinion about the daughter-in-law is formed during her first few days in her new home. May be that influenced my behavior. Who knows?
Now, things have changed. 7:30 AM (even 8:30) wake-ups, chats with my MIL (on skype and MSN), with both agreeing that my husband is the biggest absent-minded, buffoon in the whole world, pulling pranks on my husband's cousins.
Ah! Time changes everything.
posted by Yadayada @ 9:06 AM
20 Comments:
LOL...
Ooru vittu Ooru vanthu..Husband-a thitaatheenga !:-)
Nice to read your experiences.
(Has anyone documented veetoda maapilai ?)LOl again..
:-)
indeed i went thru this experience too though my experience was only for a day!
Am so glad things have changed and u feel a lot more settled and comfortable now!
thats one awesome post :)
nice post, a perfect description of after-marriage life, keep it goin!!
Hey, that was a very nice post.
"...with both agreeing that my husband is the biggest absent-minded, buffoon in the whole world, pulling pranks on my husband's cousins." LOL! Good one. Time does change everything.
And yes, thanks for stopping by my blog. Keep visiting! ;-)
I am happy that you atleast got up at 6.30 during initial days in ur inlaws house. As a brother I have noticed a very rare and peculiar habit in you. While you were at home, you used to sleep till 11 AM, when ppl. in the house would have exhausted all their energy in waking you up. You still reply casually "just 10 more mins. maa" and hide ur face under bed sheet. I really dont have count of your 10 mins but i do remeber the least time u woke up after telling 10 mins was around 1 hour later :-))
As a brother, i particularly envy at your peculiar habit of sleeping at 1 PM in the afternoon after u had njoied a solid 12 hr sleep in the morning. And you are indeed " A Lady Kumbakarna".
Ha ha ha!!!!
i am glad about your open heart saying after a long period. But you are lucky to be in a family that loves you sincerely. I am confident that you will be good waife, good d-in-law and one of the good waomen in the family. Keep going. Proudly, Father and Mother
Adengappa
Wats with "Veetoda Maapilai"?
Ekta
Ya things have changed a lot now as i said in my post :-)
stephenhacking
Thanks!
Gayathri
Thanks! Will keep visiting your blog.
Ram Prasadh
I give my ten more mins reply to my husband now. Guess I'll never change :-)
Dad
Thanks so much for your comment. I really am happy that you are proud of me. Thanks again!
Sweet post... And the last line carries so much truth in it... :)
oy yadayada, at last u made ur parents feel proud of u. great achievement gal:)
and u r 100% right in narrating how delicate a just married girl feels at her husband's house. but it was different in my case and i entered their life so casually, that i sometimes wonder whether the causualness could have been a bit too much for them to cope up:). but it worked out well in my case:)
That sure was an interesting post. I guess we are told too many horror stories abt evil MILs n FILs that we have forgotten that there are nice ppl too.
Love
I dont know why this "Appa" person should lie like this.
Cha cha ...engaathulla yaarum ivalo late'a ezhundukka mattom pa... and whats up with no repsect for elders ... really bad I say.
-Prabhu
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
This is real good post. I remember on the first day after our marriage, my wife came to my home. We were busily shopping for our honey moon in the morning, later in the evening she sat with in the terrace and I could see the sadness in her face. When asked she replied back saying “ I am missing my whole family, especially my sister”. I really felt bad and offered a visit to her home. But she refused. Then I took her to the nearest temple and tried to share my funny experiences. But all that had made only a little impact on that day. But that feeling was short-lived.
Excellent post Thalaivi..I could recollect the set of events from my flashback flowing right away..
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